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Mark your calendar, the show featuring The Monster will air this Saturday, September 24th beginning at 11 am on KCRW, 89.9 FM.  Listen in and let The Monster know what you think.  The first person to heap praise and adulation in the comments (or pan The Monster, that’s cool too) will get a FTM t-shirt!


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The Monster gets Facebook.  He likes Facebook.  It is an interface that works and has been immeasurably helpful.  So, that’s where The Monster and his technical/computer/social media know-how ends…

The Monster does not entirely get Twitter.  As in, the hash-things and pound-things.  Still pretty sure The Monster is doing it all wrong.  Stop, strike that, reverse it (The Monster is doing it wrong because The Monster has never done it).  No clue what they do.  Help?

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So how and why does one go about eating at every restaurant in the Zagat Guide?  Start with a dose of crazy, add a pinch of insanity and top off with a bit of inanity.

At the beginning the reasons for doing this were anything but noble.  Why The Monster did it?  Yes, to explore, to break out, to see a city, to acquire knowledge, to be useful, to be a resource, to eat well.  But also because The Monster didn’t know what else to do.  The Monster was completely and utterly lost and staring straight into a future that was doomed to be a disappointment.  Maybe The Monster had peaked, and this was the inevitable descent into a life of late night reruns and mismatched socks.  Maybe the feather duster and Chevy S-10 pick-up truck were a harbinger, The Monster’s place at the table wasn’t at the head, or even with the adults, but playing king forever at the kiddie table… Continue reading

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The choices appeared to be simple, die or die in the arms of an insanely beautiful woman.  That one or the other was going to happen was without question.  That I was twenty-one and standing in line at a Rite Aid holding flu medicine only seemed a cruel and unworthy end to a life that once held so much promise.

Luckily, as I’d come to know all too well, Rite Aid’s invariably have way too few people manning the check out lines and way too many employees roaming the aisles aimlessly, whereas a Smart and Final or Sav-On are both uniformly efficient in their customer service.  But Rite-Aid was closer to my apartment and convenience trumps service any day.  The first rule of sales we learned in our four am orientation classes was “location, location, location.”  Rite-Aid was close, I felt like death, Rite-Aid won.  This is true of most things, closer is better.  Closer to your home, closer to your workplace, closer to eye-level, the more apt you are to patronize or buy.  You eat out at a chain restaurant because it’s close by.  You shop at the mall because it’s close by.  You buy a certain cereal because it’s on the shelf closest to you and you don’t have to bend down.  That’s why we’re overrun with mediocrity, at least it’s not too far away. Continue reading


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