Half of this is The Monster’s fault. He should not have gone to Ricardo Zarate’s new seafood-centric Peruvian Paiche on opening night. And therein ends The Monster’s culpability. Because absolutely nothing went right on this night.
Let’s see, it took twenty-five minutes to get drinks and even then our waiter (who was a lone bright spot with a bitingly sardonic sense of humor about the whole thing) said he was surprised we got them at all. When your waiter has given up you know you are in for a long evening. Make that long and expensive. Oh, and we left hungry. Joy.
So we ordered up a whole mess of food (a lot of which never arrived) and were presented food we most certainly did not order (nope, that Waygu beef is not ours no matter how many times you bring it here). That’s after waiting over an hour for anything to arrive at the table.
Mind you, we ordered assorted pickles which you would imagine can be plated in about three seconds. The jumbo scallop ceviche shouldn’t take that long nor should the kampachi. We’re still waiting.
All of this might be excusable if the portions weren’t microscopic and the tariff exorbitant. Strike that, reverse it. None of it is acceptable because what actually made it to The Monster’s table proved lame and boring and not all that tasty.
The chicharron de pescado with lime yuzu sauce, eh. The paiche, aji amarillo lemon vinaigrette, tamari, sweet potato mousse, meh. Crispy tuna tacu tacu with rocoto aioli, nah. Pacu ribs with anticucho lime miso, zapallo puree, blah.
So now we’re almost two hours in, starved, thirsty, and the ceviche de pato, confit duck, ceviche stew and pallares tacu tacu and the saltado de camarones are no where to be found. They probably ended up at the table next to us. Instead of waiting we settle the bill and go home and order a pizza.
While the service can be improved there are fundamental issues with Paiche that unfortunately make it less than likely that this Peruvian seafood lover will be back anytime soon.
Why go? You’ve got a wallet full of money and already ate.
Monster rating: 1/5 Monsters
13488 Maxella Avenue
Marina Del Rey, CA 90292