WHY THE MONSTER DOESN’T DRINK MILK

Never has The Monster remembered liking milk.  A glass of milk has not once been poured for his enjoyment.  A bowl of cereal never polluted by its presence.   A cookie nary proffered to be dipped in its ineffable whiteness.

And so The Monster went to the source.  He asked Mama Monster, for she would know. Has he ever really liked milk?  Did he ever drink it?  And she told him…

From the day he was born The Monster despised milk.  Always.  And when Mama Monster asked the pediatrician what to do the answer was don’t make the little Monster drink it.  Bravo wise Doc, bravo!

Unfortunately, this meant The Monster could not reach his true calling, NBA superstar.  He left a couple inches on the table.  So be it.  The NBA is a mess so it all ends well.   

The Monster did some digging.  750 million people live on dairy farms.  Crazy.  Reindeer produce milk.  So do yak and water buffalo.  Still not going to drink it.  Do studies show that excessive milk consumption can lead to prostate cancer?  Yes.  Added risk of Parkinson’s?  Yep.  A lip moustache?  Absolutely.

 So this Monster doesn’t got milk.

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