The Monster plays a game with Mrs. Monster. We may be in France but if we spy a Chinese restaurant The Monster will threaten that is where we will eat. In Greece the sight of a pizzeria renders much the same hand wringing from the wife. And Mexican food in Vietnam makes perfect sense. Mind you, we never actually venture into these places. But the implied threat looms. So while in the Bahamas a Jewish deli just couldn’t be passed up*.
Granted, Murray’s is a deli with Born to be Wild piped in and a Bahamian staff that can’t quite get the inherent rudeness that each dish must be served with. But their is bagel and lox, a huge selection of Reubens and the promise of New York cheesecake.
The first good sign is the kosher pickles are whole, not speared and they’re pretty good. Firm and vinegary. And therein ends the good news.
The matzoh ball soup (with a piece of matzoh!) has the taste of dish water and features a limp mass that might be a matzoh ball or one of the ubiquitous seagull’s expulsions. The noodles are a sad accompaniment and even people sans teeth would find their mushiness revolting. No measure of pepper or Tabasco can save this wreckage of a soup. And The Monster is delighted! It’s just as horrendously wrong as he had always secretly hoped.
The open faced turkey sandwich with mashed potatoes swims in a river of salt and gloopy brown sludge. The potatoes enjoyed their previous existence in a box. The fat versus meat meter is about even. This is awesome! The Monster is now safe from ever thinking the sushi in Mongolia is a must try.
*This is bullshit. The restaurant The Monster wants to go to is inexplicably closed so it’s the deli or bust.
Why go? You, like The Monster, are an idiot.
Monster rating: 1/5 Monsters
Atlantis, Paradise Island, Bahamas