After the fourteen year, two thousand plus restaurant marathon to eat at every restaurant in Zagat Los Angeles, The Monster needs a little R&R. So the next few weeks will feature The Monster European style! First stop, a layover in Philly. The Monster feels as if he hasn’t eaten in days (it’s been hours). USAir does not offer any complimentary snacks on board and the pay options are most depressing. So The Monster pushes old ladies and kids and someone in a wheelchair over to sprint to the nearest oasis offering nourishment (this only happens in his imagination).
And there it is. Le Petit Bistro in the Philadelphia airport. Like a siren it’s call beckons The Monster who impulsively points at food behind the glass counter as he feels his body eating itself. With barely any strength left he realizes how close this call is to his demise (this doesn’t happen either).
Chicken ziti pasta drenched in an overly tart sauce looks like a dish brought forth from the gods. Never mind the pasta has that quality mass produced food generally maintains. Its texture is oddly suspended between overly mushy tripe in one bite and overly hard steel rods the next. It’s little fork fulls of heaven to someone so close to starvation. Bellisimo! This is Italian cooking that puts the best trattorias in Italy to shame.
A Santa Fe chicken sandwich is the order for the main course. Apparently Santa Fe tastes like cardboard with days old cheese crusted on top! The Monster will make yearly pilgrimages to Santa Fe to taste such delicacies.
Sharing space with McDonald’s, seating is hard to come by. The mass of humanity congregating at the fast food giant is enormous and a further reminder of why America is sliding from mediocrity into something worse yet, total irrelevance. Bravo fellow foot soldiers, bravo!
Why go? You haven’t eaten for days (hours) and the hallucinations are getting worse (there might be other reasons for that).
Monster rating: -5/5 Monsters
Terminal A, Philadelphia Airport