The Monster does not eat mushrooms. The Monster has never eaten mushrooms (well, there was college…). According to Wikipedia (the source for everything) mushrooms are the “fleshy, spore-bearing fruiting body of a fungus.” Reason alone The Monster believes not to eat these filthy little beasts.
On Facebook (the other source for everything) there is a page devoted to those who believe “Mushrooms Are Evil.” There are ninety-nine members. Somebody in Edinburgh took the time to start the site. The Monster did not join. However, The Monster did look at every person who did join and believes they are compatriots in a war against morels and puffballs and truffles.
Unfortunately, there are certain foods The Monster rather enjoys where mushrooms make an appearance. Hot and sour soup is sullied by them. Tom yum is polluted by their presence. Pot pies typically feature them. Lasagna may be afflicted.
Mushrooms (and olives and bacon) are precisely the type of food that a “foodie” is supposed to enjoy. The Monster often has to explain (defend) the foods he does and doesn’t eat. Apparently, if one does not enjoy mushrooms (or olives and bacon) then one is not a cultured palate. Eh, whatever. Also, the term “foodie” is annoying but we’ll save that for another day.
A further look at Facebook and there is also a page called “Mushrooms Are Gross.” Someone in Wales started it. The Monster did not join the twenty-eight people who united under this banner. But he honors them.
Mushrooms scare The Monster. They look weird. They smell weird. They taste weird. One day they will become sentient and rise up and defeat humanity and rule the world. The Monster may have been slipped some mushrooms as he wrote that last line.
So, please continue to eat your mushrooms. Enjoy them. Revel in them. The Monster despises these little demon spawn and is currently looking at but not joining the Facebook group “Ban Mushroom They Are Disgusting” started by a guy in West Midlands.