Monthly Archives: June 2011


Mr. C/Cipriani is the new restaurant at the recently renovated Mr. C Hotel on Pico.  As part of the vaunted Cipriani chain of restaurants (the original in Venice, Italy and outposts in New York and Abu Dhabi amongst others) The Monster, accompanied by Mrs. Monster and two friends, hit up the spot last night with great anticipation.

The chances of any of us returning are the same as willingly gouging out our eyes with dull, rusty forks.   Or deciding self-immolation is in our best interests.  Or swimming in bloody, chum filled water with ravenous sharks while simultaneously electrocuting ourselves.

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Olives are disgusting tasting balls of pungent awfulness The Monster does not, will not, shall not eat.  They are an ancient fruit (not vegetable as so commonly and incorrectly labeled) that prove humans don’t possess much common sense.

In their natural form olives are inedible (good reason not to consume them, right?).  Rock-hard, growers soak them in sodium hydroxide.  Or lye. Or…

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Filed under Olives, Why The Monster Does(n't) Eat...


The Monster gets Facebook.  He likes Facebook.  It is an interface that works and has been immeasurably helpful.  So, that’s where The Monster and his technical/computer/social media know-how ends…

The Monster does not entirely get Twitter.  As in, the hash-things and pound-things.  Still pretty sure The Monster is doing it all wrong.  Stop, strike that, reverse it (The Monster is doing it wrong because The Monster has never done it).  No clue what they do.  Help?

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The Monster hates frozen yogurt. And the reason The Monster hates frozen yogurt is because of Mama Monster and Mrs. Monster (at this point The Monster would like to make clear he does however love both dearly).

Mind you, The Monster doesn’t necessarily hate the taste of frozen yogurt with the same fervent passion of say a mushroom or olive (he does hate Pinkberry which he took one spoonful of and is sure is the work of the devil) as much as he hates the process behind which Mama and Mrs. Monster eat yogurt together.

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Why would anyone ever go to Lawndale?  Has anyone ever been to Lawndale?  When The Monster tells people he went to Lawndale he’s greeted with the same fuzzy looks he’d get if he told them he’d recently been lobotomized.  Or he’d joined a cult.  Or they owed him money. 

Here is why you go to Lawndale: Eric Greenspan (chef of The Foundry and restaurant entrepreneur) said on the television show Best Thing I Ever Ate that the garlic naan at Pakistani/Indian restaurant Al Noor in Lawndale (East of Redondo Beach) is the best thing he’s ever ate.  He’s half right…

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In a city teeming with high-end Italian, Sotto is one of the newer entries in the field.  Housed in the former Test Kitchen space, it’s a high energy room doling out wonderful rustic Italian dishes with service that that didn’t uphold its end of the bargain.

Meeting a friend, The Monster realized this little stretch of Pico is fast becoming a restaurant destination.  With the opening of Cipriani down the street, and the forthcoming Picca housed upstairs from Sotto, what was once a barren food landscape now holds much promise.

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First dates.  Exciting, nerve-wracking, harrowing.  The promise of a new and happy future balanced by the promise of going home and looking in the mirror wondering if it’s ever going to get better (probably not, sorry).  The Monster is often asked where to take someone on a first date.  It’s been well over nine years since The Monster has had a first date (grazie Mrs. Monster).  That being said, there are two restaurants in Los Angeles The Monster would have recommended nine years ago and still recommends to this day. 

The Westside winner: Casablanca.

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Filed under Casablanca, Reviews